1 Month Surgiversary (Surgery-Anniversary)

I can't believe it's already been a month since my bypass surgery. I've lost so much weight already (38.7lbs)! I can't believe it! I feel pretty good considering that I also had the hiatial hernia repair & some bleeding during surgery, but more about that later.

I can see the difference in my face. My clothes show the difference too! Clothes that fit before surgery are baggy on me now. On top of that clothes that were too tight before surgery are starting to fit nicely again, and some are even getting slightly lose.

My energy level has gone up quite a bit. I can go for walks without getting tired without getting tired, sore, or out of breath far more easily than I use to be able to. Yesterday I walked for over 2 miles around town with my BFF/God sister (Krysti).

I feel better in general and I'm loving it. There is one strange thing though. I'm starting to hate food. I don't really even want to put it in my mouth, because from my mouth it goes into my pouch and I don't really like how food feels to me in there.

My mother and Krysti don't seem to be experiencing this. Although this is sort of helpful for me because I've always liked food too much. Mostly I don't really wanna eat anything I mean I'm just not hungry, ever. I get thirsty just not hungry. Which is also good in a way because I was always hungry pre-op. Good but unexpected.

Trying a new food, with a new tummy.

Today I got to start part 2 of stage 2 of my bariatric post-op diet. And I got to try yogurt and pudding!

I mean separately I didn't mix them together or anything. I just finished half of a Yoplait strawberry cheesecake Greek yogurt whips. It was so great! Very smooth, subtle and not too strong of a flavor. Which is best for me, wicked strong flavors have been making me feel sick since surgery. Sometimes even just smelling very strong flavors makes me nauseous too.

The sugar free pudding also went down nicely.

Sorry I took so long to post this I've had a lot going on. But I did write it for my 1week anniversary

Mom's Surgery

So today my mother had her gastric bypass surgery. It was very difficult letting her go into surgery but she did great! The surgery went perfectly, and she is in her room now. The anesthesia hasn't worn off quite yet, she keeps falling asleep. It will be so weird to drive home later without her. I'm not use to her not being home.

Honest Confession: She has been asleep so long that part of me wants to head out now and do the rest of what Krysti and myself need to do today. But we still need to wait for her to be moved to her permanent single room. So we aren't leaving until then at least.

Addictions: Food

Addiction: using a substance to change mood, uncontrollably. Or relying on a substance to "feel" good. Using a substance for psychological comfort.

So when you boil it down the reason I needed to have this surgery, in fact the most basic reason that most people need weight loss surgery, is food addiction. I have struggled with this as far back as I can remember. I even struggled with food addiction for years before I began to gain weight and become obese from it.

Growing up I used food to comfort myself because of the trauma I was experiencing on a day to day basis. It was the only way my very young mind was able to cope with being raped on a daily basis by my own father. And I was far to young to understand the damage I was doing to myself by devouring food. All I knew was that it made me feel better. A weakness that I have lapsed back on several times in my life.

In a way food addiction I'd the worst addiction of all. We all require food to survive, therefore making it difficult for us to spot the problem when it is beginning. Other addictions are not things we absolutely need to survive. Food however we can't get away from we must eat to live.

On top of that our modern American society revolves around food. Most advertisements are for food, there are displays with junk food through out stores like Wal-Mart even when they already have a large grocery section like the one in my hometown does. Every corner you turn there are displays with candy, and other junk food.

Now I in no way expect the surgery to cure my addiction to food. However it is an incredible tool that I can use to help me get over my emotional relationship with food. I am basically never hungry now, and even when I am I can't fit very much food at all because of the size of my pouch. That will help with my problems as well as my food aggression. As they are my emotional links to food. There it's a lot of work for me to do myself but I already feel as though I'm making progress on this front.

To the Pain

Today is my 5th day since surgery! On my left side just underneath the bottom of my rib cage I have a different type of stitch.

After finishing my surgery My surgeon came out and told my family that I had a little bit of extra bleeding so he stitched it up. He also warned them that the area would be fairly painful for me, more painful than my other incisions. He probably mentioned it to me too when he came upstairs to check on me that night but I was a bit out of it and having a panic attack, so I only remember so much of the first night.

This stitch makes moving around a bit difficult. Where my other incisions are I barely feel any pain at all. But in the one with the stitch I feel quite the sting in the one spot when ever I move my abdominal muscles. The pain comes in varying amounts of course, depending on how strenuous the activity. When I try to get comfortable in my bed and roll from side to side I get quite a shock like being stabbed. The same happens when I try to sit up from a laying down position the pain is excruciating. If I went in to say everything that hurts that area I would write a book so I'll move on to the pain management.

When I first got home I tried to just use Tylenol instead of the Oxycodone I was prescribed. It didn't really work. I called the office and they said to try taking the Oxycodone and let then know if that didn't help or my pain got worse etc.

So that's what I'm trying now. I took one 5mg tablet and I'm laying down for now until I know how it affects me. Hopefully I don't need to bring the dose up to 2 tablets. (I am prescribed 1 to 2, 5mg tablets, every 4 hours)

***Now this post isn't meant to scare you it's just my personal experience. Not everyone even needs this type of stitch, and the pain is manageable. I am also not a medical professional, always contact your doctor/surgeon etc with medical concerns. This blog is a description of my personal journey.***

Below is a picture of the painful incision with the steri-strips covering it.

Update from inside of the hospital

I had my surgery yesterday (Monday March 30, 2015) and I'm doing great so far.

I'm on stage one, clear liquids only. So far I've eaten sugar free popsicles, sugar free jello, propel water, and chicken broth.

I got my second tray just a few minutes ago it's all so much to get down. I didn't finish my other broth or my first water yet lol.I did manage to finish my jello & the popsicles I was given when I took my pain meds earlier.

This whole hospital stay hadn't been too bad so far.

I did have a panic attack & meltdown last night. I was in a double room which was extremely uncomfortable for me. And my heart rate was so high it was setting off warnings on the machines.

Once I realized what was happening and I told the staff they found me a single room as quickly as possible and gave me meds for my panic attack.

Now I'd like to explain a full on panic attack using my heart rate and hospital stay as a reference. As well as describing my reaction to events that may seem to others like not such a big deal:

First off all I was away from home, cut up, in pain, hooked up to machines, & my family had gone home. I have just gone through with a life changing decision. And to top it all off I was hungry and thirsty. Well with it being bypass surgery I was more hungry when I came in that morning but not so much after the surgery. Although I certainly was thirsty. (And due for my panic meds, which are only really for the amount of anxiety I have on a normal basis.) Another way to put that is even though I consciously knew and mass this decision willingly, my subconscious mind was trying to defend it's self and make sense of an attack. All while hoped up on pain killers.

So in my first room my roommate talked and grumbled in her sleep. Logically there shouldn't be anything frightening about that but it terrified me. I'd jump when she would start up or get louder. Basically every time she made a noise.

I know she couldn't help it, but that doesn't matter in a panic attack. All that mattered was that it frightened me.

There were also people that visited her that argued with her and were rude and mean. Also terrifying. They kept looking at me which also scared me. I think they scared me so much because I was completely defenseless aside from the call a nurse button by my side. Although the button wouldn't help me if I couldn't get to it.

 Now that is fear for someone with PTSD especially when it comes from being the victim of a crime in which you were defenseless, like a childhood rape survivor such as myself. (Maybe it's even terrifying for everyone, I wouldn't know like I said I'm a childhood rape survivor do that is the pov I have)

Most of what I'm trying to point out her it's that there are actual physical, measurable side affects to panic attacks. They are different than being nervous or a little scared. They are irrational, and 

Home from Surgery

I came home from surgery yesterday (April 1, 2015) and today is my first full day home. Here is how everything went.

The surgery itself went well, I had a bit of bleeding so I had to get an extra stitch in one of my incisions. That was a different type of stitch so it's more painful and sore that the other incisions.

When I was discharged from the recovery room and brought up to the ward I was going to stay in for the next few days I was surprised to see that I was being brought into a room that already had an occupant. This was quite frightening and then I saw my family in a room across the hall. I reached out towards them saying "but my family is over there". I remember being so confused and panicking a bit.

But then my family came into the room I was in, apparently they had been sitting in a waiting room.

Then they visited me for a while and everything I mentioned in my last post happened.

I'm not a big fan of narcotics so I haven't taken my Oxycodone since I got home. However one of my incisions ha another you of stitch in it and I am expected to have a lot more pain in that area. Which I definitely do. I'm going to have to call then if this keeps up to see what to do.

I'll talk more about my dislike of narcotics in my next post titled addictions.